~Another day at the lab~

Pagi ini motivasiku menjunam.

Aku terasa begitu hopeless dan clueless kerana merasakan tidak jelas apa yang perlu dibuat hari ini, hatta untuk seluruh minggu. Kebingungan melandaku sepanjang pagi.. Badan terasa lemah, otak terasa kosong, dan hati resah dan gelisah. Ya Allah mengapa diriku menjadi sedemikian rupa? Mungkin aku tahu apa sebabnya, tetapi itu tidak patut dijadikan alasan.

Setibanya di lab aku masih tertanya-tanya dan memikirkan tentang kerja... menunggu ilham yang tidak kunjung tiba...

That was what I felt the entire morning (which frequently happens every Monday). It's really irritating having a very fluctuating motivation level. But the thing is motivation will not come down suddenly to you from high up above. Self-motivation comes from your own self, no other people can motivate you unless you yourself want to. It's merely the difference between going with the wind and fly where it is directing at, or harnessing the wind to direct oneself to where he/she wants to go.

Anyways, after a while someone brighten up my morning (as usual) and pushed me to start doing work. But even so I was still in a blur of what to do...

 The solution? Just start/continue whatever you have left behind [yeah. obvious really.]. So i started opening my lab book and open a few files, read a bit, baca balik To_Be_Done.txt kat desktop tuh.. then realised I have to send my predecessor an email to clarify something, meet a groupmember, plot graphs and everything just flowed from there.

What had I learnt? [well more like forgotten and got self-reminded]..

When you have no clue what to do with your work, just start doing something with it, anything. Reading something about it, fiddling with whatever parts of it you can get a hold on.

Bila dah start, gelisah again. Rasa tak senang duduk lak. Oh well since dah elok pukul 10:45 naik la atas amek free tea kat atas and bawak balik.

Tapi still gelisah. Senyap sangat pulak... switch on some music? nah.. the tune will only make me lose focus and limit my thinking, lagi resah ada lah. So i switched on my Qur'an playlist, baru la rasa lega. I can't do work sangat while listening to a song, but I can while listening to the Qur'an. It calms me down and causes my heart to settle down in peace. While doing that I can also revise what I've previously memorised. Call it 'three birds with one stone'.

Then I had to attend a two-hour talk by a visitor student from Queen Mary. Adoi. Dua jam tak paham mende pon >< Sakit kepala cuba paham menatang Optimisation problem dia tuh.. Yang peliknye orang lain boleh lak tanya soklan lagi pasal benda tuh.. supervisor lagi ah he was soo into it. Seb baik dio tak suruh den toghangkan.. Mampuih kalo tak.. Pukul 5 habis, and I went solat at 5:15. Planned to go with Tee to watch 'How to train a Dragon 3D' at 6:05pm, and he wanted to meet at 5:45. Pas solat masuk lab jer pkl 5:25, aiseh MK kat situ lak.. [kalo saper2 dah lupa, dia adalah my supervisor]. Nak keluar waktu tuh memang cari nahas la.. Then he went to my table and asked about what I'm doing. So I tunjuk ah a few very much acceptable graphs and explained to him something about what I have to do. Then he asked (ordered) me to have a meeting with a few groupmates, RS, MS, TST and SS. Oh well, I MSN-ed RS schedule meeting esok, and 5:46pm chao.

Woot I liked the movie =D I saw the trailer quite some time ago, and the whole movie was up to my expectations. Fun and funny. Keluar cinema pkl 8pm and it was still bright outside.. Oh well dah maghrib ah but still... cerah.

...and now I'm back. Luckily I cooked two pieces of salmon yesterday so I don't need to do any cooking.. Masak nasik and pusing2 microwave oven knob. Then I need to do some reading.. well.. A LOT of readings. I hate not knowing stuff and feel really clueless.. But reading at home just won't work I dunno why.... Ergh.

Oh well, I have to paksa myself..