~Straight on Ahead~ Q(' ', o)

~I beg to differ~

2011-06-04T17:13:00.004+01:00

I was sitting at the bench in the station just now
waiting to return a belonging to a friend who asked me to watch over it for a while..

The whole time I couldn't lift my head at all.

Not because of a stiff neck,
not of heavy-headedness,
nor caused by extreme fatigue.

It was because of the many attacks on my eyes.

Zina mata.

Well yeah of course it's summer, this is the time when the Brits and the other locals want to enjoy the sun which they rarely get throughout the year, so they will want to expose as much of their skin with their partners, and if I'm not careful this would just cause me to accumulate sins of maksiat.

I don't blame them.

Am I supposed to? No.

They don't know. They are victims of situation (or mangsa keadaan in Malay). Their culture dictates how they are supposed to behave and act. You might call them ignorant, but it is not their fault (if you ask me) if knowledge are not reaching them, it is because we are not doing our jobs as the Khalifah of Allah and becoming the role model of the whole world as how we had been during the Golden Age of Islam.

That whole time I spent observing my knees I thought to myself:

"How great would it be if I'm back in Malaysia..."

Then it occurred to me.

Are we any different?

Forget about the non-muslim Chinese & Indians, I'm talking about the Muslims of Malaysia. Malay Muslims.

Are we any different?

The more decent ones might be covering their hairs, but other than that?
And what about the ones who considers the other gender as if they are members of their blood-related family?

(You know what I mean..)

We are glorifying the Western Culture.

We are making them the icons of modernisation and greatness.

They separate their governments and life from their churches and religion, becoming secular countries and we follow them.

We forget that once the Islamic world was the trend.

We forget that once the West were the ones who are racing to copy us.

We let wahn rule our hearts and society.. and what is wahn?
"Cintakan dunia dan takutkan mati."

The problem of our society is that we don't have the understanding of Islam.
The basics of Aqidah itself has not reach our hearts.
Knowledge will not move us, only the understanding and appreciation will.

Remember that if a wealthy father gave his first son abundant fortune and little for his other son, he will be most outraged by the first son if he acts the same as the other son and falls into poverty with him.

The greatest ni'mat that Allah will give is the understanding and knowledge of Islam. Similarly if we act as if we are no different than people who don't, we will be judged worse than them in the court of Allah in the Hereafter.

"And who does more wrong than he who invents a lie against Allah or rejects the Truth when it reaches him? Is there not a home in Hell for those who reject Faith?"
(Al-'Ankabuut: 68)

When will Muslims see that we should live Islam that we have learnt?

When will they grasp the understanding of Islam?

But will the whole blame be brought on them?

No, because it is our job to wake the society up.

Nothing will come from giving out statements. We must do what we have to do, little by little.

"Man is hasty by nature. I shall certainly show you My Signs. Do not ask Me to be hasty."
(Al-Anbiyaa': 37)

And InshaAllah Islam will rise again.

~Server Down~

2011-06-02T17:44:00.007+01:00

Just a short animation I made (tell me if the link's broken and nothing appears above). Our research group's cluster was down since yesterday, someone overloaded the server so I can't do any work =_=''.

This is also a reminder to me though.. not to waste time.

Translation of the above message:
"Time is like a sword, if you don't make use of it, it will cut you."

What have we been doing during our spare time?

Something beneficial? Lagho?

Only we can answer.

Wallahu'alam..

بِسْمِ ٱللَّـهِ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ

وَٱلْعَصْرِ ﴿١﴾ إِنَّ ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ لَفِى خُسْرٍ ﴿٢﴾ إِلَّا ٱلَّذِينَ ءَامَنُوا۟ وَعَمِلُوا۟ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتِ وَتَوَاصَوْا۟ بِٱلْحَقِّ وَتَوَاصَوْا۟ بِٱلصَّبْرِ (٣

"By the time! Lo! Man is in a state of loss; save those who have faith and do righteous deeds, and counsel each other to hold on to truth and counsel each other to be steadfast."
(Al-'Asr:1-3; Translation: Maududi)

~Believe it or not~

2011-05-31T13:30:00.016+01:00

*PRAAANGGG!!*

Mum comes to the crime scene running..

"Ok who broke this mug?"

A: Err.. the cat did it. I was just sitting here reading... "

"Hmm.. Ok I believe you, but I will still punish you for it."

A: D=

There are about 1.6 billion Muslims around the world presently (Wiki P. ed ia, 2011). That's a huge number innit? But how many among them are muslims?

...what, you can't see the difference?
I repeat: How many among these Muslims are muslims?

Got it? It's just capitalisation, but in English, one is a proper noun and the other is a common noun. Proper nouns symbolises names of objects, but a common noun is a class of entities where same entities share the same characteristics or definition.

You can always call a cow Wolf, but no matter what it is still a cow.
Look at this book below:

what genre would you call it? (ignore the fact that I mispelled a certain writer's last name. I was rushing, and first try on GIMP is not easy when you're unfamiliar with photoshop =_='')
No matter what the name on the book is, you can't call it a book on classical literature. It doesn't have all the boring winding old English written which needs deciphering to understand, but it has panels and drawings, so it's a comic book.

Likewise, someone claiming to be Muslim does not necessarily mean that he's a muslim.

Muslim-ity is not a genetical inheritance, nor an attribute granted to you through verbal affirmation or engraved in your identity cards.

A Muslim is a muslim if (and only if) he submits to Allah and follow the teachings of the Messenger as his way of life, and bearing witness that Islam is the true Religion. Enforce Good and Forbade Evil, do what Allah commands and leaves what He forbids.

"Eh, aku nampak je camni. Aku Islam je. Aku percaya je Tuhan. Tak semayang pon takpe, asal hati baik sudah.."

We might hear something like this though.. =__='''

Let's go back to the sketch earlier on this post. Can you see what is wrong with the whole incident?
I bet even a 5-year-old can answer that. If Mum really does believe in A, then she shouldn't have punished him right?
Wrong? Unless she wanted to no matter what, which we should then call Child Abuse..

Ok that's not the issue here.

The point is that if we do believe in something or someone, we should reflect it with our actions. There's no point in just saying "I believe you/him/her/it/them/that" if our actions do not tally with what we said..

..if you can't agree to this then you might want to knock your head against the wall or something. It's common sense.
Isn't that right? =P

That is why there's a hadeeth (which often comes up during prayer times on TV3 in Malaysia before.. don't know if it is still there) that the difference between a muslim and a kaafir is Solat, since it is one of the main pillars which defines a muslim.

And what about Iman? What defines a Mu'min?
The Prophet (SAW) answered Jibril (AS) in the famous hadeeth narrated by Umar (the second of forty by Imam An-Nawawi), that Iman is to believe in Allah, His Angels, His Holy Books, His Messengers, the Day of Judgement and the Divine Decree.

So let's muhasabah ourselves, are we really worth being called Mu'mins?

To believe in Allah.
but are we still disobeying His commands as if He is not watching us?

To believe in the Angels.
but are we still doing what Allah forbades as if our words and actions are not recorded by the Raqib, Atid, and Katibin angels?

To believe in the Holy Books.
but how often do we read the latest and untampered version and actually following its guidance?

To believe in the Messengers.
but are we following or mocking his Sunnah?

To believe in the Day of Judgement.
but are we still performing sinful acts to others as if we won't be Judged for every single dzarrah of it?

To believe in the Divine Decree.
but when something seemingly bad and terrible happens to us do we accept it willingly or unwillingly as something that has been decreed to us by Allah?

You say you believe?

Then prove it.

TT__TT

"Ahh! Allah tahulah apa yang dalam hati aku. Tak perlulah nak tunjuk, ko jaga hal ko je ok?"

Yeah. But Allah knows your heart even more than you do. I'm just worried that He doesn't agree with you.
Me? I am minding my business. My faith is not complete if I don't want for my brother what I want for myself, and since I want Jannah, I want you to get it too. :)

Wallahu'alam...

~Of a greenhouse gas..~

2011-05-27T11:11:00.009+01:00

Hehe, in this post let's go into physics/chemistry ;) .. NO! Don't go away you Arts & Humanities Major (or History *cough*), just keep reading on it won't be that bad. =D
Although be warned that there are quite a number of references to Chemical Engineering here and there (but of course, explanations are given).
Let's call it tadabbur Chemical Engineering eh? :D

What would you answer when I ask you: what are the three states of matter?

Three? Well yeah of course: solid, liquid and gas.

Some of you guyz who has extra scientific knowledge (or maybe a wiki addict) might also answer Four; including plasma. No not blood plasma (atau plasma darah in Malay), I mean: "Plasma is a state of matter similar to gas in which a certain portion of the particles are ionized." (Wiki P. ed ia, 2011).

Ok I don't want to go into plasma, that is not the main point of this post.

But do you know there's another "phase" of matter? Call it the 2.5th state of matter if you want (although technically it's not). At this phase, a matter is neither a liquid nor a gas, there's no specific distinction between the phases. Or in thermodynamic terms (ok you Arts major can skip this if you want ;D) the enthalpy of evaporation ΔH_vap equals zero.
When a fluid reaches this phase, it is called a "Supercritical Fluid".

So what's so great about this supercritical fluid? Let's look at carbon dioxide. In its supercritical state, it has many useful purposes. Since it is neither a gas nor a liquid it can effuse (i.e. individual molecules going through holes without collision with other molecules; or in simple terms, menembusi. You know how balloons left alone will shrink even when it has no visible holes? That's effusion) like a gas AND has solvent abilities of liquids.

This highly dissolving attribute of supercritical carbon dioxide is very useful in the extraction of chemical components, such as caffeine from coffee and even dry cleaning (which uses chemicals as solvents). It is also used in removing toxic residues, soot and odours of fire. In other words, it is used as a "cleaning" agent and what's more, it has very low impact on the environment (almost 100% non-toxic). So by becoming a supercritical fluid this common gas becomes a valuable and useful commodity.

So... what's my point in bringing up this... fluid, supercritical thingy thing. Chill, mestilah ada point dia =P

Actually what I said above relates quite closely with life and us, human beings as khalifah on this earth.

Our life is just like carbon dioxide (yeah, sorry for the analogy but I am a Chem Engineer see?). If we are released into the atmosphere, being allowed to roam freely in the environment without any restrictions, we will only be pollutants on this earth. We will only gather up in the atmosphere, increasing the temperature of the earth, causing forest fires; basically destroying the earth, making it a living hell. We might even mix with clouds, form carbonic acid and drop down as acid rain, killing trees, fish and deforming structures. In other words we will only kill and cause destruction on this earth.

"Dan (ingatlah) ketika Tuhanmu berfirman kepada para malaikat, "Aku hendak menjadikan khalifah di bumi." Mereka berkata "Apakah Engkau hendak menjadikan orang yang merosak dan menumpahkan darah di sana, sedangkan kami tasbih memuji-Mu dan menyucikan nama-Mu?" Dia berfirmanm "Sesungguhnya Aku mengetahui apa yang tidak kamu ketahui"
(Al Baqarah: 30)

Believe it or not, that is the nature of human being if they are left freely.
But then what are we supposed to do with our life? That carbon dioxide. Are we just pollutants? Well, as polluting carbon dioxide can be, it can become a form which is very useful.

We must be supercritical fluids.

Instead of just being free in gas phase, we should be controlled as supercritical fluids, then we can become the cleaning agents of this earth, removing impurities and nasty odours; purifying this earth. (which kinda coincides with one of our jobs as khalifahs kan?)

But do you know what causes substance in their gas phase to change into supercritical fluids?

The answer is Extreme Pressure.

(Below is a special warning to a certain person I know of who reads this blog)

Warning: Numbers below!

Trivia: The critical point of carbon dioxide (i.e. the point at which if the temperature and pressure go above that point, the substance will become a supercritical fluid) is 7.38 MPa (Mega Pascals) at 31.1°C. That is about 73 times the pressure the atmosphere is exerting on us.

(Ok, dah habis nombor)

So what does it mean? What makes us supercritical fluids? Challenges.
If we take challenges that we face on this earth as forces, then after taking a lot of it naturally our pressure level increases, and we'll get closer and closer to being a supercritical fluid.

This pretty much sums up the role of challenges in our life: shape us into better people to suit our job on this earth as the khalifah of Allah.

...

So is that it?

Well not really, that's just the whole concept, but there are other things that we need to do in order to prepare our lives to be pressurised into useful fluids.

(the following is explained in the form of Chemical Engineering [again.], but please bear with me k? =P)

The first step is to have a direction/purpose for our lives. If the carbon dioxide is meant as waste, then it will be waste. But if you direct it into proper pipings you can control and manage it better.
So what's the purpose of our lives? Refer to the first two lines of verse (2:30) given above, and (51:56) below:

"Aku tidak menciptakan jin dan manusia MELAINKAN agar mereka BERIBADAH kepadaKu."
(Az-Dzariyat: 56)

What's next? The gas needs to be channelled and stored in a proper containment; a pressure vessel (a container handling substance of high pressure. Aerosol cans are examples).
In other words, we need a confinement, the rules of Allah, the walls/barriers that is Syariah.

The walls however needs to be very strong and thick to withstand the high pressure that would be exerted on it, welded with one another properly and strongly or else the container will explode (heee explosions. now that's Chem Eng ;D) causing even more damage to the surrounding and to yourself. The walls should also be complete, without any holes. Allowing holes of course can release some of the pressure in your container, giving freedom to some of your carbon dioxide, but that would only lower down your value (since the amount of pressure you accumulate is what brings you closer to supercritical point), and at very high pressures, it could propagate into a crack and failure of the whole container. So always make maintenance to your walls everytime an external factor tries to damage it. ^^

Now you have your container, you are in Islam, you want to claim to be in Iman. Now as more carbon dioxide gets into the container, pressure will accumulate, and Allah will also provide additional sources to exert more pressure. Isn't this what Allah promised us?

"Apakah manusia mengira bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan hanya dengan mengatakan, 'Kami telah beriman,' dan mereka tidak diUJI?"
(Al-Ankabuut: 2)

Allah will not just let you be, He will test you with challenges and increasing your pressure value.

However the rules of thermodynamics (this is a simple one. believe me) state that increasing pressure will also increase temperature proportionately.
We are but mere humans, with challenges comes Stress. Our temperature will increase with pressure, and at high temperatures, wall materials start to get weak. It's Sunnatullah.
This is when you will need coolants to reduce the temperature of your pressure vessel. So what is it that will cool us down? Do'a, zikrullah, ibadah, patience.

".. Ingatlah, hanya dengan zikrullah (mengingati Allah) hati menjadi tenteram."
(Ar-Ra'd: 28)

Reading the Qur'an also helps, since Allah often reminds us in the Qur'an with verses such as this one below so that we will be calm and cool:

"Sesungguhnya orang-orang yang berkata, 'Tuhan kami adalah Allah' kemudian mereka meneguhkan pendirian mereka, maka malaikat-malaikat akan turun kepada mereka (dengan berkata), 'Janganlah kamu berasa takut dan janganlah kamu bersedih hati; dan bergembiralah kamu dengan (memperoleh) syurga yang telah dijanjikan kepadamu.' "
(Fussilat: 30)

Masha Allah =)
Tak cukup best ke?

And as time goes by, inshaAllah we'll become successful cleaning agents of this world.

Akhir kata: Life teaches us a lot doesn't it? Whatever we face are lessons to us. Ponder around life and our surroundings and they can provide lessons and become reminders to us. =)

Jom kita berusaha untuk menjadi khalifah di muka bumi Allah ini inshaAllah!!

~Left but lives on~

2011-05-23T18:27:00.006+01:00

Salaam 'alaikum..

It's been a long time since I've last written..
So much to do, so much to learn, so much yet to do, but have I done enough? Have I make full use of my time? Without ever learning, I repeat the same mistake again and again. If not because Allah (SWT) the Almighty had been the Most Merciful to me, He might have taken away that particular ni'mat away from me long ago, that ni'mat called TIME.

وَٱلْعَصْرِ ﴿١﴾ إِنَّ ٱلْإِنسَـٰنَ لَفِى خُسْرٍ ﴿٢

By TIME! Indeed Man is in a state of LOSS!!

Wake up me!! Can't you see that verse is directed to you??! ><''

Anyway, last week was Teachers' Day in Malaysia. My special tributes to all my teachers, (although it's a bit late, I apologise for that..) and especially to my first and best teacher ever: My Parents. If it's not for them, I won't be who I am today. I am eternally grateful for all my teachers who had been patiently passing down their knowledge to me =) you guyz are the best!

But in this post, I'd like to highlight a certain teacher of mine whom I've been holding in a special place in my heart. Someone who has taught my class for most of my childhood years, teaching the wonderful subject of Islamic Studies, and whom left us quite suddenly near the end of my schooling years..

I was browsing through my collection of pictures and found an old photo of her and memories started to stream back into my mind. She had been my teacher for as far back as I can remember (ok maybe a tad bit later), she taught us a lot about Solat, she taught us a lot about the Seerah of the Prophet (SAW), about 'Aqidah, the Most Beautiful Names of Allah (SWT), and much much more. But truthfully speaking, when I think back I've never given her the level of appreciation that she deserved, and I was astonished that it affected me so much when she left 8 years ago, crossing the barzakh separating this world and the next. Only then I realised how much contribution she had made in my life, teaching me the most valuable knowledge of all, the knowledge of Islam.

But dear (Allahyarham) teacher Wan Zarinah, even when you have left, your amal lives on. For every time I practice what you taught, you get your share in it. Every time I read Surah Al-Fajr, I'd remember the first time I learned about its tafseer from you. I can't imagine how much you've obtained even when you are no longer in this world.

And now I want to follow your footsteps. I want to follow the footsteps of the Prophet (SAW). I want to pass down beneficial knowledge to others, become a Da'ie of Allah, sowing the magnificent teachings of Islam and the Prophet. I want to contribute for the Ummah, towards the rise of Islam in the future, all for the sake of Allah's Love.. Ya Allah please guide me.. I don't want to be among the people in the state of Loss.

Ya Rasulullah, I want to follow your footsteps to da'wah. I want to meet you and the Sahabahs in Jannah someday (inshaAllah), to thank you for spreading the words of Islam till it has reached me today.

But with my current state, it is impossible.

O Allah, guide me..
please give me the strength to stay steadfast..

Ya Allah, bless my teachers in this world and the hereafter..
Give my parents the best in this world and the hereafter..

Amiin.

~Challenges and differences~

2011-02-08T08:43:00.006Z

Let's face it.

Hidup ini susah. Banyak betul masalah dia. Cabaran sana-sini, dugaan datang dari setiap sudut. Dengan study nya lagi, dengan kerjanya lagi, dan selain dari masalah dunia tu masih ada tujuan hidup manusia yang perlu dilaksanakan, yakni 'ubudiyyah dan khilafah. Beratnya rasa, perjuangan terasa begitu perit. Kerja makin banyak, study makin susah, masa makin kurang, tapi da'wah tak boleh lak dibiarkan begitu je. Dunia atau akhirat? Argh!! Tak ke mengundang dilema tu? Takkan nak dibiarkan je study untuk akhirat? Lagi teruk ialah fokus study je dan tanggungjawab Allah dibiarkan begitu sahaja, tak ke lagi naya tuh?

Namun disebalik rasa susah itu, terlintas hati untuk buka kembali lembaran Sirah Rasulullah (s.a.w.). Kadang-kadang, bukak buku. Masa lain pulak tengok video The Message (1976; versi Arab subtitle BI ada je kat Youtube. Versi BI lak lakonan Anthony Quinn tapi lagi suka versi yg pertama sebab baru dapat lebih menghayati keadaan masa tu).

Betapa hebatnya perjuangan mereka. Betapa besarnya pengorbanan mereka. Betapa berjayanya mereka disamping menjadi kaum minoriti yang ditindas. Walaupun mereka menjalankan kerja Da'wah yang meluas dan tanpa henti, sehingga ke seluruh tanah Arab, tapi ia tidak menghalang mereka berjaya dalam hidup dunia mereka. Pahlawan2 yang mantap, pedagang2 yang berjaya, ilmuwan2 yang bijaksana.. Nak dibandingkan perjuangan dan usaha mereka, betapa kerdil rasanya usaha yang sedang dilakukan sekarang. Usah kata Rasulullah (s.a.w.), tak boleh nak banding usaha perjuangan ini dengan para Sahabat. Boleh ke nak banding dengan Abu Bakr, 'Umar Al-Khattab, Uthman ibn 'Affan, Ali Abi Talib, Khabbab ibn Al-Aratt, Mus'ab ibn Umair, Hamzah ibn 'Abdul Muttalib atau Bilal ibn Rabah.. Mereka telah mengerahkan segala kuderat ke jalan Allah, biarpun betapa peritnya perjalanan mereka.. Bagaimana pula dengan aku? Kata nak syurga Allah, tapi cukup ke usaha? Kalau ditakdirkan menghadap Allah sekarang dan aku persembahkan usahaku yang sangat tak seberapa ini kepadaNya, bagaimana agaknya Allah menilai?

Tanpa sedar air mataku bergenang dan mengalir..

Di mana silapnya aku Ya Allah.. mengapa begitu payah rasanya menempuh halangan yang tidak seberapa ini Ya Allah..

Jawapannya hanya satu.. Kerana kerja yang ada tidak dilaksanakan kerana Allah sahaja. Kemungkinan besar ada salah dari segi niat. Kenapa perlu dipisahkan da'wah dengan study? Kenapa perlu dipisahkan ibadah dengan kerja2 dunia lain? Study boleh jadi da'wah, kerja boleh jadi ibadah, tapi kena betul niatnya. Jika betul kita cintakan Allah dan agamaNya, segala akan jadi mudah jika kita jadikan ia sebagai da'wah ke jalan Allah. Betulkan niat kita. Berbaloikah mengejar dunia tetapi akhirat tercicir?

Kalau kita pergi kedai mamak dan mintak pinggan, pinggan je yg kita dapat. Tapi kalau kita mintak roti canai, kita dapat roti canai dan jugak pinggan. Pinggan hanya hiasan, tapi roti canai adalah makanan untuk hidup. Akhirat ibarat roti canai tersebut, di mana kalau kita mahukan dan meminta untuk ia, Dunia akan menyusul bersama.

Ya Allah, ku ingin betulkan niatku.. Bantulah diri hambamu yang lemah ini dalam memperoleh CintaMu..

Wassalaam.

~Of a camel and its owner~

2011-01-20T12:46:00.002Z

Salaam 'alaik.

Seorang lelaki sedang berada di tengah-tengah padang pasir, hanya ditemani untanya yang seekor. Dia meletakkan bekalan makanan, minuman dan pakaian di atas untanya dan mula berjalan merentas padang pasir itu. Tiba-tiba untanya melarikan diri jauh daripada lelaki tersebut dengan membawa kesemua bekalannya. Apa agak-agaknya perasaan lelaki tersebut setelah dibiarkan seorang diri di padang pasir yang luas itu? Marah? Kecewa? Sedih? Tak susah nak bayangkan perasaan dia kalau kita berada di tempatnya.

Tiba-tiba untanya kembali bersama-sama bekalan lelaki itu. Bagaimana pula agaknya perasaan dia sekarang? Mestilah dia rasa sangat gembira dan bersyukur.

Samalah juga dengan kita.. Allah (swt) pastinya murka kepada hambanya yang telah pergi jauh dariNya, mengabaikan tanggungjawab yang sedang digalas di muka bumi ini. Namun Dia pasti akan berasa gembira setelah hambaNya yang sudah sekian lama pergi jauh dariNya kembali dan bertaubat padaNya. Bukankah Dia menyayangi hamba-hambanya lebih dari ibu-ibu mereka sendiri?

Masih tak lewat untuk kembali kepadaNya. Walau sejauh mana kita telah terpesong dari jalan Allah, kembalilah, mohonlah sebenar-benar keampunan dariNya. InshaAllah Dia akan mengampuni dosa-dosa yang telah kita lakukan, dan mohonlah agar diberi petunjuk hidayah supaya kita tidak akan terpesong lagi.. kerana Dialah yang Maha Pengampun dan Maha Penyayang..

Cinta Allah adalah yang Maha Agung.. ='(

*Diceritakan kembali oleh penulis apa yang diceritakan oleh seorang sahabat yang dia hormati..

Nota: Cerita di atas sebenarnya tak boleh dibandingkan bulat2 dengan situasi dalam realiti, kerana Allah tidak memerlukan kita mahupun ibadah kita. Tapi ade point yang cuba disampaikan yang kemungkinan lebih senang difahami dengan bantuan cerita itu.. Wallahu'alam..

~Mukhlisin-The sincere ones~

2011-01-06T10:37:00.007Z

Salaam,

I opened my notebook just now to jot down a few items on work when I came across notes I wrote during a talk in PMS by Dr Ayman Ewais about Mukhlisin (people who are Ikhlas-sincere, earnest). It was about the 11 fruits of being sincere. Being Ikhlas is not an easy thing to do especially with all these penyakit hati which all of us are prone to, such as being riak, ujub, and so on. In order for a deed to be accepted by Allah (swt) requires more than 99% sincerity, not even 99.9999% but 100%. One of the hardest trait to achieve, but if you succeed this is the compilation of 11 fruits of being sincere:

Gaining the pleasure of Allah (swt) and have your deeds accepted by Him. (what more can you ask for?)
Allah (swt) puts love to you in the hearts of other people (this can be seen as a sign of sincerity and accepted deeds).
Allah (swt) saves the slave from hardship in this world (remember the tales of the Prophet (saw)'s companions?).
You will get the reward even if there's a mistake without intention; i.e. it is still accepted (there was a story of a sahabah who wanted to give sadaqah at night unknowingly by others but mistakenly gave it to a prostitute, a thief and a rich person. Rasulullah (saw) informed him that his sadaqah was still accepted)
You will get the reward even if something stopped you from doing a good deed; from your intentions and sincerity (it is said that if a muslim went to a mosque intending to attend jama'ah but came in late and the jama'ah has already finished, he will still get the reward of praying in jama'ah even when he prayed alone)
When you do good deed, you won't get just 10-700 rewards, but endless (it is quite impossible to count rewards given by the Most Gracious and Most Merciful isn't it?)
You will get the reward even if something stopped you from doing a deed you habitually do (sounds similar to the above point? what this point means is if you normally do a certain good deed with istiqamah every single day [with sincerity of course!], if on a certain day something stopped you from doing it you will still obtain the reward)
If you are sincere, you'll feel very very strong (you are totally sincere and devoted to Him, and when He, the Most Strong and Giver of Strength backs you up, why shouldn't you feel strong? =D)
If you have Ikhlas, you'll get rewarded for every habitual thing you do (repeat: "for EVERY SINGLE habitual thing you do". eating, drinking, taking a shower, sleeping, reading, if you have sincerity in everything you do, each and every one of those will give you reward)
Ikhlas and intention is the scale of the work done (a small piece of work but with 100% Ikhlas will give you huge rewards, but a huge piece of work not at 100% Ikhlas in doing it will only give you a small reward-- this is an adaptation of a Hadith told by Dr Ayman)
You get goodness and barakah in this world and the Hereafter (again, what more can you ask for?)

Dr Ayman mentioned of two types of worship, "small" and "big". "Small" worship includes doing prayers, fasting and hajj. I was a bit shocked to hear this actually. These are considered small?? And he went on and says the "big" worship is the worship of the heart, which includes sincerity, getting rid of arrogance, riak, takabbur, and to pardon every single wrongdoing of others to you. Frankly, this "worship of the heart" is the hardest part to me, which explains why it is considered "big", in that it is relatively a lot harder to do, compared to the physical fulfilment of our ibadah.

This is just a small reminder to you and me. Let's try our best to be a Mukhlis and be sincere in everything we do. =]
InshaAllah..

Wallahua'lam..

~From home to home~

2011-01-05T22:52:00.011Z

Salaam.

It had been a loooong while. =]

After a trip around the UK and spending some more time in London I am now back in Cambridge. The jaulah (literal meaning: jalan-jalan, tour, pelancongan; from Google Translate) was a 10-day trip covering the south of UK, Portsmouth to the capital city of Scotland at the north, Edinburgh before joining PMS (Perhimpunan Musim Sejuk) at Sheffield and then back to London. The whole journey follows the following route: London-Portsmouth-Bath-Cardiff-Birmingham-Liverpool-Manchester-Leeds-Edinburgh-Leeds-Sheffield-London. The overall journey was filled with fun and experiences, and most importantly a lot of knowledge and lesson was learnt and a strengthened ukhuwah was achieved =].

Sebelum perjalanan tu kami dah diberi peringatan memasang niat untuk Allah dan fikirkan apa yang hendak dicapai sepanjang jaulah tersebut. Frankly speaking apa yang saya harapkan sewaktu itu ialah untuk berjalan2 bersama sahabat2, saudara2 di sini, dan di hujung perjalanan menyertai PMS untuk mendapat input dan mengenal lebih orang dari bahagian UK yang lain. Alhamdulillah semua dapat dikecapi, namun yang paling berharga ialah perhubungan ukhuwah yg lebih erat antara kami. Walaupun saya (boleh kata) mengenali (hampir) semua sahabat2 yang turut serta berjaulah dari awal, tetapi rupanya banyak lagi boleh dipelajari tentang mereka dan mengenal mereka dengan lebih rapat. Orang yang nampak agak pendiam dan distant rupanya adalah seorang yg lembut hatinya dan menghargai persahabatan kami, muka yang baik jangan disangka malaikat, dan banyak lagi. Benarlah apa yang kami diberitahu di awal perjalanan, kata2 seorang tokoh Islam di zaman silam (Umar kalau tak silap), jika kita mahu mengenali seseorang, kita perlu makan bersama, tidur bersama dan bermusafir bersama.

10 days... yet after it ended till now, the whole journey seemed like a dream and I have to return to reality. InshaAllah I will try my best to keep all I've learnt and obtained throughout the journey in my heart.

Sangat banyak yang masih boleh dicoretkan di sini, tetapi perjalanan pulang ke Cambridge telah menghabiskan sisa tenaga saya dan juga disebabkan malam telah lewat, maka saya terpaksa menamatkan post ini di sini. Semoga dapat bertemu kembali saudara2 ku di London, Portsmouth, Warwick dan lain2 inshaAllah. =]

(heh ntah kenapa tetibe terasa nak tulis gaya skema. mengantuk kot xP tapi memang sepanjang hari terasa pelik sket badan nih..)

Below is the jaulah video compiled by Akmal Hayat:

~That which was never written~

2010-11-03T10:52:00.002Z

It's been such a long while since I last updated my blog. It's not that I don't have anything to write about, be it interesting or otherwise, truthfully speaking I have loads to write about. It's just that I feel like I don't have the time to.

Though that's what I'm claiming.

In reality I still have time to waste doing other stuff. Writing a post will presumably take a whole night and with my workload I kept feeling a sense of guilt each time I'm about to write up a post. This has been holding me back every time, in addition to the amount of stuff I want to write about since the last post ('Eidul-Fitri, London, Paintball, OH!, Lab, Life, New Pals, Barcelona, etc. etc.). So much has happened and it will take too long to recall each and every one of them, and I just don't have the hours and energy =_=''.

I have a CPGS first-year thesis submission due on the 3rd of December, and I am supposed to be using my time solely working on it, looking at the proximity of the deadline. InshaAllah I'll make it through, I just need to work harder. Pray for me please =]
I'm expecting this blog to stay dormant until I submit my thesis, so please bear with me.

Spirit, Passion and most importantly Effort, to fulfill the purpose of achieving Allah's Pleasure and help uphold the name of Islam.

InshaAllah.

~Ramadhan Mubarak~

2010-08-20T23:40:00.003+01:00

This is the first time I am going through the holiest month of Ramadhan in another country, thousands of miles away from home. I was getting eager to celebrate its arrival a few days before. Fasting here is almost 3 hours longer than back home, so in order to prepare for it I fasted for a few days during Sha'aban which takes even longer. The days are getting shorter as we go further into Ramadhan and compared to the first day, the fasting period has now shorten by about 36 minutes, and by the time Syawal comes it will have shorten by about 2 hours. Thanks to the sunnah fasts during Sha'aban fasting for an elongated period of time compared to what I was accustomed to was not that much of a problem.

When Ramadhan first came I encountered a dilemma: which prayer times should I follow? I've been using IslamicFinder's calculation method (Muslim World League) ever since I came here, where Fajar was 3:04 am, Maghrib 8:33pm and Isha' 10:34pm on the first of Ramadhan. But according to the Cambridge Muslim Welfare Society Ramadhan time table, Fajar was at 3:50am, Maghrib 8:36pm and Isha' 9.43pm. The solution is to choose one and stick to it, but which? Although some might just choose the latter since it is more convenient, but it is not enough to convince me. I researched a bit and I made a decision after reading an article on moonsighting.com, and considering that I am also planning to pray tarawih at the mosque I'll have to follow their timing, so it's better to just stick with the latter prayer times.

Following that, my daily routines changed accordingly. I now go to the lab around 1 hour later than usual since I now have less sleeping time. Lunchtime was spent at the library reading Qur'an and napping (10-20 mins only ok? takde la lama sgt pon) and I leave my department around 10-15 mins before maghrib and go straight to the mosque. Some people will already be there, reading the Qur'an and waiting for Iftar while more people start coming. Food was already spread in paper plates, which consists of dates, grapes, bits of banana, (occassionally) plums, apples and a type of cucur I've never seen before, probably an indian or pakistani recipe. Then they'll go for Maghrib jemaah prayers before going for more food at the back. The food will usually be rice with lamb curry, a plate of veggies to be shared and a piece of apple or digestives.

Boleh tahan gak la meriah puasa kat sini in my opinion, although the same pattern of decreasing saf lines for tarawih as nights pass can be observed as in Malaysia. The mosque was overflowing during the second night kalau tak silap. I heard an announcer asking the jemaah to fill in the front lines to make way for the latecomers who were outside the entrance. The imam for tarawih prayers covers at least a juzu' each night for 20 rakaats.

However there's something I observe happening here dari dulu which I really despise. Banyak orang yg pakai seluar macam takde tali pinggang je, pastu bila rukuk ataupun sujud, terdedahlah lurah yg tidak ingin dilihat. Bukan sorang dua jer, but anywhere I go there will always be someone in that vicinity who is doing that. To those people, I don't know if you realise this, but be aware that for women AND men, that is aurat, and it should be covered at all times, especially during solat. So when that happens how do you think it affects the legibility of your solat? And it disturbs the jemaah behind you who has to endure glimpsing at it.. There are so many simple solutions for this you know, such as wearing a bigger shirt that can cover your whole waist and the area below it, or tuck your t-shirt in. Kalau rasa skema sangat pakailah dua lapis, lapisan dalam tucked in. Pakai tali pinggang pon boleh, ikat ketat2 jgn bagi jatuh, ataupon tiap kali nak sujud tarik seluar tuh naik dulu. Senang sesangat.
But the main point is there might be so many little mistakes, even bigger sins that we commit without realising. It's important to be wary of those, and repent to Allah for all those 'hidden' sin, especially now we are entering the second 10 days of Ramadhan, the days of forgiveness.

*yawns* it's getting late and I still need to prepare for my sahur.. I'll take my leave for now and continue tomorrow.

Ramadhan Mubarak peeps~
;)

~Another usual week.. and some more~

2010-07-05T20:09:00.002+01:00

"....Next post will most probably not have this much of a gap.."

(quoted from my previous post)

Heh.. Just how wrong can I be? @_@'' Sorry about that though.. as can be expected I was very busy. A lot of stuff happened that I want to talk/write about but.. banyak sangat dah, sampai tak tau dapat tulis ikut kronologi ke tak.

Anyways, a few weeks ago my classmate during my MEng times in UNiM safely arrived in the UK to do her PhD in Chemical Engineering at the University of Nottingham. Setelah bersusah payah ek? ;) I'm glad you reached here safely at last. Seems like work has already been piled on you, good luck with that ^^.

I cam malas nak tulis much about what had been going on around here. Basically my work here had been progressing fine, I've done pretty much 80% of the C++ codings (well, 90% of Stage 1, which pretty much is most of the whole project anyways). Debugging took a lot of time, energy and brain power. Had been going back from the lab at 8 pm and even stayed up till almost 4 am several times. Showed some of the results which I obtained from it to my supervisor and he seemed happy about it, although I'm stuck with a problem with the program essential to be solved (after solving another one the entire day). But I'm enjoying it. I like programming stuff (which most of my friends know it). C++ is quite different from Flash Actionscript 2.0 and Matlab: harder to write, more complex and much more powerful. It's challenging, and it's one skill that is valuable, although I haven't been doing even more complex stuff like some of my colleagues here do.

Anyways, hati tergerak nak tulis blog post ini adalah kerana baru terbaca post terbaru seorang kawan rapat. Tetiba dapat inspirasi nak tulis sesuatu seperti itu. Kepada yang malas: she wrote a guide for future (IIUM) students. Lots of good advice I should say =] While reading it, I remembered some people who asked me on how to get into Cambridge, what should be done, any advice, requested to see my personal statement during my application and such. So I decided to write a bit on the procedures and some of the pros and cons just to give an overview of my journey experience from Malaysia to Cambridge, and hope that more people will get here. It's quite lonely for us Malay bachelors here if you ask me, tak byk muka Melayu sgt. Be reminded though that I applied for Postgraduate studies, and it might be significantly different from Undergraduate level applications. For example, I need not attend an interview, but some people I know of (undergrads) had to.

Introduction

(Taken from worldguides.com)

Recently JPA had announced they will stop sending in students for undergraduate studies abroad (especially to the UK), except for top-notch universities (Cambridge and Oxford) or for post graduate studies.
It can be easily observed that Malay students here are scarce, which raises a question: Why? Paraphrasing a friend of mine: "Student kita pandai-pandai je sebenarnya, tapi berapa sangat yang masuk Cambridge, Oxford? Suma macam takut2 nak masuk, padahal kalo tgk ramai je Malaysian Chinese dapat je masuk". The point here is: don't feel inferior, you ARE capable.

I'm not a very excellent student myself. People I met before are all more hardworking than I am. I didn't get a First Class for my MEng undergrad, I only got a 2:1. But still I tried to get in, and Alhamdulillah Allah gave me the rezeki to. It's not easy, but it's not impossible.

Some advantages and disadvantages:
Pros:

Getting an offer from Cambridge will give you an almost 100% chance of getting sponsorship. Most even pay a lot more than usual.
Being one of the top universities in the world, it is where a lot of the top minds around the world gathers at. It will be a very good experience, and more knowledge to be gained and brought home.
High quality education. It's not like other universities don't offer this but Cambridge didn't just become one of the top universities for nothing.
The Cambridge name is a valuable asset. InshaAllah obtaining it can secure a good future careerwise.
Cambridge is a beautiful place. =) [to me. though some people don't like it]

Cons:

The process is VERY long and tedious. One main point to note is that Cambridge is 800 years old and is very SLOW. A friend of mine paid DHL to go and get a document from Cambridge to her because they were taking forever.
The Board of Graduate Studies (BoGS) is very hard to be contacted. Expect one-way communication.
Entry requirements are quite high, but still it is not impossible to break through.
People will have high expectations of you. Be it in or when you leave the university.

Some info about Cambridge:

They celebrated their 800th anniversary last year.
There are no campus like most other universities. It is a university town, so the whole town is the university itself. It has 31 colleges (basically where students eat, live and socialise. Each student must be a member of a college). Each college is independent of the university and has their own budget and funding. The richest and most prestigious college is Trinity College.
Cambridge is not that big of a city/town. The city centre is quite cramped and cars can have trouble going around the city and find parking. I don't know about the bus facility here (since I never used them), since bus stops are quite far anyways. Yet Cambridge is big enough to make walking very tiresome and long.
Bicycles are the main mode of transport in Cambridge. The city has the highest percentage of cyclists in the UK and has the highest cycle theft rate as well.

Applying to Cambridge

These apply to most Universities, and Cambridge is just one of them.

There are two methods of applying, online and by mail/hand. I chose the latter when I applied because you have to pay £25 for the processing fees for online application and none by mail (although I think now they require a fee for mail applications as well).
Ideally for postgraduates, you should have already contacted your supervisor and discuss a research proposal, which is required in the application. However this is optional, you can leave it entirely up to the department to decide, having defined clearly your area of research interest in the application. But in doing this you will not have any choices and will have to accept whatever they might give, and this might also slow down the process.
Write up a good personal statement. This is very important, because it helps them in their decision in admitting you or not. Many guidelines can be obtained from the net, e.g. here, and even good accepted samples. The statement does not need to be an autobiography, make it simple and compact. State out your achievements and why you should be chosen. Treat it as if you're applying for a job.
They will ask if you have any financial sponsor or you will be funding by yourself. Just put that you're sponsored (which is highly likely anyways if you can get an offer). Sponsored students are more likely to be accepted. Unless you've already secured studentship from the university (which is very hard to get).
A CV might or might not be required according to different departments. Make sure of this, but it is best if you have already prepared one. You're applying for a job, remember?
One thing about Cambridge is they want hard copies. They want original proofs so there will be a lot of postage and couriers you should expect. Faximile is a good option as well, send letters using it.

Some documents and other stuff are required for the application. Some can be sent after you get a conditional offer although it is recommended to send earlier. They are already stated on the application requirement though:

Original result transcripts. You need to ask your previous institution for reprints, which will take time and a bit of money. Keep this in mind since it can mess up your timeplan.
References from at least two academic referees who have known you for... three years kot, and in sealed envelopes, so you must meet up with the referees and ask them to send to you.
IELTS. You MUST do IELTS. If you have done it in the past, it has already expired after 2 years. It's expensive and consumes a LOT of time, so be sure to do it early. Unless you were from an English speaking university, it is a requirement. They required me to do IELTS before, but since I graduated from UNiM (which is obviously an English-speaking university) I sent an appeal to them (since I was running out of time) and they asked me to do an English assessment online and I got exempted.

Another part of the application lets you choose your top two college choices that you intend to join. If both rejects you, they'll apply you for another random college. There are several criteria that you need to consider in choosing a college:

Location. You are most probably going to live in the college accommodation, the best is if it's situated near the place you need to go everyday (department, restaurants, etc.).
% of accommodation acceptance. Not all college members get accommodation. Check at the college's website for this information, you don't want to have all the requirements fulfilled but no place to stay.
Maximum length of accommodation term. As far as I know, Trinity (or was it Kings) College only offers up to a year of accommodation, by then you have to evacuate. Wolfson provides up to four years.
Value. If you worry you might have financial problems, some colleges have fundings to accommodate for student emergencies or even studentships. You can choose wealthy colleges for that, and these colleges usually have more stuff going on (activities and the likes).
Fame. Isaac Newton was from Trinity, Stephen Hawking is a fellow of Gonville & Caius, Charles Darwin was from Christ's, Tunku Abdul Rahman was from St Catharine's. This might not even be slightly relevant, but it might be worth considering.
Scenery and overall beauty. Hey, this IS important. Most colleges are beautiful already, but some have historic values for those who likes history and magnificent architecture.

After you get your conditional offer, just do your best in fulfilling the conditions stipulated. It should be straightforward.

Oh yeah, by this time apply for a sponsorship IMMEDIATELY. This will definitely be one of the requirements and they will want proof of financial capabilities. Get a financial affidavit and COURIER to them. Snail mail is just not reliable enough. Yeah they don't want any scans of it through email or what, they want originals.
And now for the most irritating nuisance of all: the Academic Technology Approval Scheme (ATAS). If you're going for postgraduate in most Sciences or Engineering courses in the UK, ATAS clearance is a must. Check the FCO website for details. You need an ATAS letter from the university and using it you have to apply for ATAS clearance (note the difference) online . This will take up to 20 working days. You need both to get your visa, any one missing and it will be an automatic rejection. You can already apply for the clearance once you have the research statement from your supervisor. ASK HIM/HER DIRECTLY for it. Don't just wait. Well, your supervisor or the research secretary. This is VERY important because the BoGS will only send it to you (online) AFTER you fulfill all conditions, which means even more time consumed. This was a nightmare for me before and almost made me unable to catch the 2nd February registration deadline. Other universities I applied gave a research statement as soon as they offered me a conditional offer, but as I mentioned, Cambridge is terribly SLOW.
You might need to do an interview, but since I didn't I can't help in this aspect.

Yeah that should be most of what is required. I hope it will help a lot of hopefuls, or push others to consider coming here. It is just like any other university, you just have to work harder to get in. If you really want it, it wouldn't be a problem inshaAllah.

Another thing not to forget, SOLAT HAJAT, every single day if possible. Pray to get in sincerely. Do not apply and just leave it like that. No matter what you do, if He does not permit you to, you will not get it. Period.
And if you don't get it after all the work, then inshaAllah that is for your own best. Allah is the All-Knowing, what we want might not be the best for us no matter how we think. Have faith and never give up. Redha dengan apa yang kita dapat. Besides, in the end even a graduate from an unfamous institution can be a whole lot better than a graduate from Oxford.

Personally, as I said I want to see more Malays here. =/
I'll do whatever I can to help, this being the first step.

~Out of hiatus~

2010-05-21T08:44:00.002+01:00

It has been almost a month since I last blogged.

Mostly it's because there's nothing much to blog about.. and the rest is because there really is nothing much to blog about.

But I guess I'll just reach out once in a while and talk (type) about what I've been up to this whole time, since some people (yes not just one) are starting to ask about it. I do realise my blog has been left for quite some time, but it's mostly 'cause I'm getting busy and I kept feeling guilty if I were to spend time typing up a blog post instead of filling up my C++ project with codes or populating my literature review with words in LaTeX. Even then I'll still find other channels to procrastinate with (read: FB, youtube, stalking) <.<''' so I figured, rather than doing that, writing up a blog post is better in some way..

Lab and Organisation

Life has been the same basically. Going to the lab at 9 (although mean time is 9:30) and getting back at 6:30-7:00pm (which is still quite bright, now is 8:16pm and it's like.... 6:30pm in Malaysia).. That would be my everyday routine, though I'll make the schedule more flexible when MK is not around =P. Yeah.. I have 'office hours' see? Balik memang quite penat..

A few weeks ago I realised I wasn't organised enough, especially because I had a lot of stuff that needs to be done: Rebuttal work, Peer Review, C++ Programming and Steady State Analysis (SSA). Oh, I didn't mention reading did I? LOADS of reading. Journal papers especially. So "what's rebuttal and peer review" you might ask. Basically when you send a paper to a journal to be published, after the editors accept it, they will send it to other peer scientists who are "experts" on the topic to be reviewed. They'll send their reviews and you will have to do a rebuttal; i.e. a reply to state you've made appropriate changes to the paper and to rebut anything you disagree with them. So that's what a rebuttal and peer review is. My project's predecessor PhD student had sent a paper for publishing before he went back and after his viva, reviews for that paper came. He (and MK) asked me to help him with the rebuttal work (basically calculating more stuff using Gaussian). After some time MK asked me to do a review on a paper which he got, since he wants me to have the experience. I agree that both are valuable experience for me, but being a bit unorganised I had quite some trouble with them. You see, those two are urgent, but one needs to wait (Gaussian takes ages to give converged results) and the other is.... ergh. Leceh. I needed to read it in detail and check with other papers as well, and since I'm not that experienced yet in this thing I need to refer to a lot of stuff. One of the things in reviews that I frequently see is aside from sentence structure/other petty stuff, it is important to criticise something technical about it, I mean like.. the author's theories, his understanding on the matter, his methods, what he concluded, his interpretation on what he did, his results, his explanation, etc. etc. To criticise others I myself need a level of understanding of that topic which I'm no "expert" in. So since banyak keje and all, secara otomatiknya saya menjadi malas hendak buat.. pening kot kepala baca each word and making sure it sounds right (takleh skim through jer) checking his references to make sure he's not making it up..

Then the C++ thing, I still need to read up on the other projects the group had been doing, and the SSA needs quite a lot of reading, planning, and it is quite important as well since it might be the main topic of my future paper.

The problem arose when I can't focus. When I tried focusing on one work, I'll feel like I'm neglecting another important work and terasa nak buat yang tu pulak. Buat sikit, and mula cam panic sket because of the sheer magnitude of difficulty and work that needed to be done. The process was then repeated. In the end nothing much was achieved in any of the work.

So I set myself to think of a solution, and the answer I got (which is working fine too) is to have a planner (yeah. kinda obvious I must say....). Well not just a planner, I need to construct a scheduled To-Do-List for the whole day, everyday. Break up my work into smaller parts, plan out when to do them, lay it out in a schedule spreading out on a day or two. It's simple yet very effective. Now when I focus on a work, I can forget about all other work that I have, since I know (...believe.) I'll be doing it anyways in the future as planned, and nothing will be left out. So now my work with peer reviewing done, what's left is C++.. and SSA. Both are progressing I believe, and interesting to be done. 8D

London

I've been going to London quite a lot now, ever since I found the brothers in Finsbury Park :D. Hanging out with them is always fun, and now I'm also going there for usrah, unless susah nak pergi and so a friend of mine there will instead come here to Cambridge. They're very sporting, lawak, fun people, and they have such a close bond. ^^ And they're always reminding each other about Islam and how muslims should be. Oh, and they cook delicious Malay food 8).

The last time I went there was last weekend, just lepak2, tido sana semalaman, tgk derang main basketball, usrah, main tenis... and my old hobby got into practice: doing magic tricks >:D Heh seriyes teringat zaman UNiM dulu when I'll go around tricking so many people, accused of being Satan or using Jin/syaitan/toyol/w.e. synonyms. Huge success.. heheheheheh x)

They ajak main basketball skali, but since I has this... ball-in-motion-o-phobia I can't play. It's a condition where if I see a ball as big as a futsal ball (or bigger) flying into a certain radius of airspace around me I'll get a sort of panic attack, heart beating quicker, adrenaline rush, ketakutan and I'll either elak or tepis for sure. Recently I've found out that it doesn't even need to be a ball.. as long as it's as wide as a ball (e.g. a frisbee) and it flies within my area, I'll definitely react. =_=''' Kinda pathetic and limits my choices of sports.. A tennis ball is fine, even though it can still get me cuak gak.. but it's controllable. Not basketballs, not soccer and the likes, and not frisbees.. >.>

So I tried playing tennis.. and realised just how much I suck... like totally. Pukulan suma tah ke mana... serve pon jadik if i was lucky.. and the ball will most likely not be returned by me.. at least not legally.. and at a reachable height by normal humans. I was told that I was not supposed to use my wrist, but too late. Waktu tu dah sampai Cambridge.. anyway I realised that fact after successfully managed to get the racquet in contact with the ball like... 5 times? I began to understand why mama said to me a long time before, you can only play either badminton or tennis, not both. =/ I guess the only way is to unlearn some badminton techniques that I've been using and learn the tennis way of playing. Whatever it is, my first impression was: I HATE TENNIS.

*Heh, I fell asleep at this point, now is 8:19am Friday the 21st. Lovely sunny day outside and I'm eating up my breakfast cereals*

But with all that's happening, sometimes I feel like I'm not my age.. I don't feel 20 (almost 21) pon... kengkadang terasa macam... I'm 24-25. Bila pegi London tengok diorang buat kerja, I felt: Teringat masa buat degree dulu, berapa tahun lepas. T=

I guess my whole life I never mixed with (a lot of) friends around my age, and now that I'm with them I feel older.. (Even though they might be more matured than me) Sometimes I wonder too am I too young to be doing a PhD?

Nevertheless I never regretted coming here to do what I'm doing, or got to finish MEng just last year. I've really hoped for this ever since my final year in MEng, to be doing PhD. I'm never too young, it can be done, and I'm gonna do it.

Last Sunday was a very significant day for me. 16th of May.. So many has happened on this date just last year. Besides Teachers' Day, it is also the day of my final MEng exam paper, H84MPS, Multi-Phase Systems with Dr Sergey Spotar as the lecturer, which marked the end of my whole MEng in Chemical Engineering course. But most of all it was the day my life changed forever. C=

Anyways. 8:40am and tak mandi lagi. Gotta rush and go to lab. Next post will most probably not have this much of a gap..

[Oh. And to that someone in Bangi/Kajang, if you're reading this please tell me if you've gotten a PostPak envelope delivered to you ok? ;) I'm expecting today, though knowing Malaysian Postal Service.. ntah ah, tak tau nak expect.]

~3 years ago & now (Part II)~

2010-04-25T13:52:00.002+01:00

Day 1 (Continued)

[Continued from the previous blog post]

Out of the Luxembourg garden, we saw a map and again we found out we were going on the wrong direction. We finally reached the Panthéon after a few minutes of walking.

We didn't manage to get inside the building though. Tak tau kenapa, the guard refused me in and I didn't understand a word he's saying.

Finally for the day, we went to the Arc de Triomphe. ^^

At last dapat gak pegi situ. It had been a dream for me once upon a time to get there.. and I can't remember why. Not the Eiffel tower, not Versailles but the Arc that I really wanted to go to. Pelik lak rasa.

Izzit just me or am I getting more berisi? =S

The sun set after a while, so I took the opportunity to take pictures of it before calling it a day and went back home with sore legs and an exhausted body:

Sunset in Paris C=

Oh. It also was our first sighting of the Eiffel Tower since we got here, but since it was already late and our legs were screaming in pain, we decided to go there tomorrow.

Eiffel tower berkelip2 di waktu malam.

On the way home, I came across a librairie, and suddenly remembered something. I went inside and asked the shopkeeper for a particular book as a souvenir to a certain bookworm I know of. As expected, they have it. But I didn't buy it yet since I don't know if that certain bookworm already has that book or not, if yes then it would be a waste. So I decided I'll ask la bookworm if she already has one before buying.

Day 2

Last night's sleep made our body feel more refreshed. We went on according to plan and the next stop was: Eiffel Tower ^^. So we went to le Tour de Eiffel station, tak ingat by RER or Metro, but we had to change trains in between. Oh I guess I didn't tell you that one of the trains was a double decker train? Naturally we just HAD to sit at the top floor seats x). Upon arrival, we had to walk a bit before reaching the base of the Eiffel Tower.

2nd floor of RER train.

The base of the Eiffel tower

We bought the tickets to the 2nd observatory floor (the first has a cafe if I'm not mistaken). Puas menangkap gambar situ I bought another ticket to go further on to the summit. Faisal refused to follow though, since he wanted to conserve his euros and that floor is already enough for him.

Panoramic view of Paris, with Musée de la Marine at the middle

I got back down to where Faisal was and bought souvenirs before we went back to ground level. We walked on to the Parc du Champs de Mars (on the opposite direction of the panoramic picture above) to get a full picture of the tower (the third photo with Eiffel tower above) and we reached (I think) the Ecole Militaire.

I don't think we can get on that building though.. even though I wanted to. Anyways we then went back and I looked for another Librairie since la bookworm said she still hasn't obtained that book yet. I found the book at a different store, and for a better deal: €0.50 more for a hard cover, brillant. This is the book in question:

I don't understand heck of what is written there except for a few simple words. I bet that particular bookworm is reading these with glee and excitement..

To La Bookworm: Sorry for previewing it already ok? I just want to torture you a bit by giving you a sneak peek and making you teruja dan tak sabar menunggu xP. It will take quite some time before it starts its long journey to Malaisie.

We got back, rest for a bit, solat and I went to the McD for some internet. As the sun set at around 8:30pm (local time) I got back, solat and we went off to see Paris at night. Well more like Eiffel Tower at night:

Day 3

On the third day, our destination was only one for the whole day, Disneyland Paris ^.^

Our 3-day Metro+RER ticket is only valid to Zone 3 and the stop to Disneyland Paris is at Zone 5. So we got off at the edge of Zone 3 and bought return tickets to the station.

And there we were, at Disneyland Paris. ^^ It was FUN indeed. Much better than Genting I would say (and that is to be expected). Rides dia best and the place was magnifique. Unfortunately Faisal has a problem with motion sickness, so he refused to go on any of the roller coasters. So I had to ride on them alone <.< .. kesian gak rasa but... whattodo. He also refused to go on the Tower of Terror (kinda like a Solero Shot but with a theme and in a building) even though I tried convincing him that it doesn't have anything to do with motion sickness since it won't involve any sharp swerves or 360-degree spins. His alasan this time? Gayat. Oh well. The ride should have been better if not because of this group of kecoh french people at the back row bising2 and menyanyi2 at times which ruined the fun <.< Even the staff had to give an announcement to us (which can be translated) to jangan bising sangat. I don't think it's gonna be easy to describe how our trip there was, and since a picture is worth a thousand words anyways, I'll let them do the talking:

More pictures will be posted on Facebook for our Day 3 and Day 4 trips. I'll put the link here after they're uploaded.

Day 4

Our final day in Paris. The train will be departing at 9+ pm so there was ample time to go for another trip somewhere. We checked out of the hotel and went to Gare du Nord to keep our bags in lockers. We then took the RER to Musée d'Orsay, crossed the river there and walked on to the Musée du Louvre. You guessed right, our final destination was to visit one of the largest museums in the world. We planned on visiting each part of the museum before going back.

..but they weren't kidding when they said it's one of the largest museums in the world. After finishing up to the 1st floor (it has floors -1 (LG), 0 (G), 1 and 2) exhaustion and leg cramps prevented us from moving on, so we skipped the whole of the topmost floor. It was TOO. BIG. We actually planned on "ok kita pergi Musee d'Orsay lak kalo sempat lagi lepas habis Louvre". It's not about time, it's about getting yourself killed by nonstop walking. The trip was ok, although the Islam exhibition was closed that day.. Here are some pictures of the exhibition, and again I'll put the album link here after I upload the museum pictures on Facebook.

After Louvre, we visited the Paris Mosque. Heh seronok lak nampak masjid.. Since Cambridge doesn't have one.. We went there for Zuhur and Asar prayers, but we didn't manage to find the place to take our wudhu'. Tried asking the keeper there but he doesn't speak English when we asked him, and he asked if we can speak Arabic instead. At least I studied Arabic during my school years and not French.. so I chose that as our medium of communication with that man, and yeah we got to where the wudhu' place is, performed our prayers and went out for a very late lunch.

The Grande Mosquée de Paris.

When we got back to Gare du Nord, we thought our train was at 9:30 or 9:55 pm and sempat buat benda lain dulu, before we found out it was at 9:13 pm. We rushed to the station, through the counter and through the UK border control in order to catch the train. We got down and realised we were at coach 18, which was 13 coaches away from ours @_@. We had to run and got on in time... PHEW. Got to London around 10:30++ pm and got back to good ol' Cambridge the next morning.

Good to be back in Cambridge. "Yeah where else can you find cows in the city centre other than here eh?"

....the taxi driver was not kidding:

There ye go, COWSSS!! Doesn't that scream KAMPUNG to you?

So that was my 4-day trip to Paris. One thing I'd say is, in my opinion it's a city where you'll most probably want to visit just once in your lifetime. If I do have to go there again in the future, I'll go see Versailles, which we didn't manage to during the course of the four days.

Au revoir Paris.

~3 years ago & now (Part I)~

2010-04-24T12:13:00.001+01:00

It was three years ago. [Well, kinda.]

A boy looked at the Place Charles de Gaulles, Paris, from above through the monitor of his laptop. Utilising the free innovative Google Earth (TM) software, he set his eyes for a bird's eye view on that certain spot in Paris to look at one of France's national monument, the Arc de Triomphe (de l'Étoile). He was somehow awed by the triumphal arch which dated back to the time of Napoleon. It sat majestically at the focal point of twelve roads which meet at a roundabout circling about it, amidst the complicated network of streets and roads all over the city. The sheer complexity of the road network in Paris can be compared to a spider web, or more like cracks fully propagated across a whole windshield of a car (yeah, I know the comparison sounds terrible). He looked at the satellite view of the historic city over and over again... from a monument to another historical monument.. from the Arc to the Eiffel Tower.. and he wondered if he will ever reach that part of the earth, thousands of miles (and RM) away from his home country.. thus he just sat there and stared at the image on his monitor in admiration and envy.. [it sounds sad, or even pitiful, I know].. for he believed he might never be able to set foot on that land.. but little did he expect what God had planned for him.

Though nowadays we can just use maps.google.com. We can even get street views.

Three years later.. [Roughly.. kinda]

He walked (and even managed to get a bit lost) through the (crazy) network of roads he had seen years before. He saw the Arc he was so interested in years before..and he confirmed its existence using his three senses (two were irrelevant. No prizes for any correct guesses to what they are). He was.. in Paris.

Never had he expected to be able to get there, but he actually got to just a few days ago =]

To see the monuments with his own eyes, to feel them, just being there, and most importantly getting there with his own strength (accompanied by a friend, Faisal) is like a dream come true. He might not be a history enthusiast like some people he knows of but he can't help admiring the tales behind the objects of the past and the art portrayed by them. It took a great amount of time, hard work and creative minds to produce such results which survived through history.

The author in front of the Arc de Triomphe, Place Charles de Gaulle, Paris.

Ok that was a very long introduction from me. Long story short: I got to Paris and had been to almost all the historical places I've once dreamt of going.

It was a four days three nights visit from 19th to the 22nd of April last week, me and Faisal (who happens to be my kakngah's classmate when they were in Standard 1/2, the bro-in-law of a friend here in Cambridge, the son of my parents' kenalan when they were still at Sheffield, and the cousin of a friend of my bestest friend).

Faisal Badaruddin, my Paris travelling partner.

We stayed in a hotel near Stade de France. Although people were unable to come out of the UK due to the volcanic ash incident, we were able to, thanks to Eurostar trains and rails which were unaffected by it. Unfortunately my bestest friend did not manage to come although she planned to on the 20th due to that particular incident =[.

Overall in my opinion, Paris is not the cleanest city in the world. Every RER and Metro (the underground trains) stations I went to have some sort of pungent smell in a corner. The stations themselves did not look like it had been cleaned regularly.. Memang nampak agak kotor jer..
and most people I saw are quite rude. In the train I saw people putting their feet on the seats opposite them, and refused to put it down when another person (with a huge suitcase) gestured politely so that he can sit [more like ignored him totally and not even looking]. I know I can't make conclusions just from the behaviours of some people I saw there, but that was the image I got from them. I did meet a lot of polite and nice people there though.
It is also expected that most people there can not (or would not) speak English. I had to communicate quite a lot with few French phrases and sentences that I learnt from that small Collins French phrasebook. Some of the most frequently used were: "Vous parlez anglais?" (and hoped for the rare and relieving "oui" as the answer or "yes, I do") "Je ne parle français pas", "combien?", "merci (beaucoup)", "oui/non", "bon jour/soir/nuit", "excusez moi", "pardon". I can't expect to know how to speak french just from 4 days of staying there anyways.. unlike someone I know of who learnt it at the Alliance Française years back.

Day 1

We arrived at the Paris Gare du Nord station and got a teeny bit lost walking and looking for our hotel. Turned out it was FAR away..and we were walking on the wrong direction anyways... So we got back to the station and took the RER to La Plaine-Stade de France and to our hotel. We got out right after settling in, got to the McD nearest there and used its free WiFi (the hotel only had paid WiFi, which was very expensive) to plan out our sightseeing destinations. Faisal wrote on the map while I searched for any relevant information [and getting the much-needed dosage of YM and FB].

The first destination? The Notre Dame Cathedral.
Yeah it's a cathedral. The only reasons I find it interesting to visit was of the art both inside and outside the place, and that it was the setting for the old Disney classic The Hunchback of Notre Dame which I've watched countless times during my childhood days.

Notre Dame Cathedral (Top) and the Disney Classic Hunchback of Notre Dame (below), where you can see the cathedral at the background.

Getting inside was free, but I don't think it is if you want to get to the top floors, so we only toured the ground floor. The art was interesting, but the longer we are there the creepier we felt, so we just took pictures around the building and got out. We were walking towards the station before we found this:

*Gasps* a crypt? Just for your information:
crypt [krɪpt]

1. An underground vault or chamber, especially one beneath a church that is used as a burial place. [thefreedictionary.com]

A tomb? Creepy yet interesting... We hesitated but I managed to pull Faisal with me down the stairs and we reached the front gate. We pushed and pulled. It was locked.
Then I saw a door at the side, with a card reader.. "Might be the staff entrance" I voiced out. Our curiosity was pushing us to get in.. and suddenly the door opened and someone came out and went off the stairs. I blocked the door from closing, and asked Faisal nak masuk tak? We decided it was worth a try, if somehow we were found and told off that it was not a place to be visited at that time we will just oblige and get out, no big deal.. and the guy who got out cam tak heran pon ngan kitorang. After experimented a bit with the door to make sure we will not be locked inside, we walked through the passage. It was quite brightly lit, and near the middle I smelled some sort of perfume.. at the end was a turn to the right.. and I didn't know what to expect. It was already getting eerie with all the drawings on the walls of the passage... We went on and we saw them...
..arranged beautifully in rows..

rows and rows of...

....

.... cars.

We had apparently stumbled upon the Notre Dame carpark. Fun indeed.

Hati terasa geram tatkala merasa diperbodohkan.. Walhal ia adalah salah kami sendiri..

Can't deny it was very funny at the time.. we got out while cursing to ourselves and the innocent designer of the place.

Next we went to our next destination, le Panthéon near Luxembourg. Mula2 tersalah jalan (again) though, and got to the Luxembourg garden (Jardin du Luxembourg). Ok la gak, dapat tengok the Senate building and a LOT of people bersantai.. either lying down on the grass or sitting down on chairs provided while reading a book, studying or just chatting with friends.

Blood-red tulips 8)

People in front of the Senate building.

They even have donkey carriages!

*Oops. Gotta rush for lunch at the house of a visiting Prof from UM to Cambridge.. a bus ride away to Longstanton. Cerita terpaksa cut short here, will continue when I get back.*

[End of Part 1]

~New Life~

2010-04-19T00:01:00.001+01:00

I bought a new sim card, Lebara which allows me to have low rates for international calls and it charges 5p/min for calls to Malaysia. Why? Because I realised I need some way to contact my family other than online methods. SMSes take time and due to its "Short" Messaging System we will always try to cut out words, leaving out information in the end. So I figured out I need cheap international calls. Kinda troublesome to use though, since I only have 1 PDA, so I have to swap with my usual O2 sim card each time I want to call Malaysia.

My kaklang had been pregnant for quite some time and had been warded due to complications for more than a month. I kept wanting for updates on her condition, but knowing my family, they rarely did. I had to keep asking and the answer will always be the same, "dia ok jer". So I called her last Friday evening (her midnight) just to ask about her and talk to her. The call ended after 55 mins, one of my longest phone calls ever, but it was worth it. I can tell she was happy hearing from me and sebab dapat gak gosip. Bosan gile kot duduk kat wad sebulan lebih... She was scheduled for a Caesarian section on Monday the 19th so I wanted to have a long talk with her before that day.

That night I was packing up for my Paris trip, crossing out items from my list while browsing stuff (mainly Facebook and chat) when suddenly I got a message in my Yahoo! Messenger from my bro Zayd. He said that kaklang had just been brought to the operating room. I panicked for a while. I knew I told her not to laugh that much during our 55 min call, nanti terberanak situ gak kang... and there she was that night, heading to the OR. Kakngah called me and I called her back using Lebara. She expressed her worries because kaklang was bleeding quite a lot, and they were going to have an emergency C-section. It should also be mentioned that no one from the family was with kaklang at the moment. My parents and siblings were at home, my bro-in-law was in Penang, my grandparents were in Parit Buntar and kakngah was at Johor. I pressed them to go and accompany kaklang there while I was sitting on my chair, tak keruan. I prayed for her, did solat hajat and read Yasiin for her, so that everything will go smoothly, successfully and safely for her and her baby.
After so many minutes which seemed like hours, at 7:50 am Malaysian Time 17 April 2010, my first nephew was born. Abah and mama's first grandchild. A new life born onto this earth. Alhamdulillah.... I was very thankful it went fine.. and now I'm an uncle. =D Congratzz kaklang and abang lang!!! A hectic night indeed...

The next day I went to London and then to another city at the South East of the UK to see my bestest friend, spent the night there and back to London (where I am currently). I'm spending the night here before going on my train tomorrow at 6:55am to Paris with Faisal.

-Oh. Another thing. Referring to my previous blog post under "Small World". When I thought the world might just not be any smaller than that, I was told something yesterday which . It seems that the friend of a friend that I was stalking before on FB and met in London was actually Faisal's COUSIN. @_@'' And I'm sleeping at his house in London with Faisal..

The world is just too small.

So that should be it for now.
Au revoir.

~Of the world and depression~

2010-04-14T23:01:00.000+01:00

Small World

It's nothing new really, but the world is indeed a small place. Even when you're aware of it, it is still hard to believe at times.

A friend of mine here suddenly asked me whether I want to go to Paris (a month ago). Apparently he wants me to accompany his visiting brother-in-law who wants to tour UK and Europe, but since he's attached to a hospital he can't accompany the said bro-in-law. I've known this friend for quite some time, he's doing final year Medicine, and he's a former senior of a UNiM 'junior' of mine back when they were in KMS (i think). Since dah kenal him and his wife, bila dia ajak tuh I didn't really think much to accept. Then I got to know it would only be me and his bro-in-law berdua. Oh well, takper la..
Then came the interesting part. Rupa2nya Faisal (the bro-in-law) knows my kakngah. They were classmates waktu darjah 1.. and rupanya his mum (the wife's mum gak) was mama's kenalan waktu kat Sheffield dulu. Kakngah tak ingat him but abah and mama still kenal the parents.

Last Sunday I went bowling with some more friends, and Zetty suddenly asked me: "Your sister dulu kat KMKP kan dulu (Kolej Matrikulasi Kuala Pilah)? Zunayrah ek nama dia.. I rasa I kenal lah your sister tuh.. Tersedar waktu nampak gambar dia masa komen dalam FB. Dia tak kenal I sangat kot, dia kat blok A dulu." .... another one who knows kakngah. Kakngah apparently tak kenal though, as Zetty expected.. but yang paling rasa tak tahannya semalam suddenly kak Airina (another friend here) asked me about KAKNGAH. @_@ pohal ekau popular sangat nih? Again, they knew each other when they were in KMKP jugak... she said she kenal sangat kakngah... She and her husband were in KMKP too. Haven't asked kakngah about it but.. as kakngah said it: "pehal suma orang kenal kita tapi kita tak kenal diorang ek?".

A long while ago I stalked a friend of my friend on his FB. I heard quite a lot about him from that friend so I got curious. So banyak gak la tau about him from my friend and also hasil stalking. After a long time, I came to the UK and went to London for a makan2 session at some friends' house... and who do you think was one of the people yang menyambut my kedatangan? That unknowing (stalked) friend of my friend tuh. x)
Masa mula2 nampak dia I dah kenal dah, and an evil [nakal] plan concocted in my mind. So mula ah berkenalan ngan dia and rapat sket, then when we went for a walk at London, I started revealing stuff I know of him, little by little.. Heheheheheheeheh. If you asked me he did look a bit freaked out (who wouldn't?), but he insisted he's not, he's still cool jer. ;P

Another case was also during a FB stalking of my old schoolmate, a 'twin' of mine who's studying in Ireland. I checked out his photos and then I saw a photo of him and his friends, and one of them whom I sooo recognise, my jiran depan rumah back in Malaysia (yeah, you KA =P). Rupanya diorang belajar kat tempat sama.. found that out from their FB info. When I saw that I figured I will not be shocked anymore of any other 'small world' incidents. The world is indeed, small.

Back to normal, everyday life

Nothing special happened today, except that my supervisor gave me work to do which he said it would be excellent if I were to finish it by the end of the month. You can guess it will not be easy, doing stuff in C++ and incorporating it inside another project (collaborated with other group members), using my mediocre knowledge of C++. Then after MK went off from the room for something, I continued discussion with my other group members.

I was depressed. I sat through the discussion and the postdoc and the other group members started talking about stuff, with jargons like NURBS and isosurfaces, and a LOT of other stuff. I realised that I know so little compared to them. I know they have been in this business for years, and have even more experience and knowledge of the outside world.. (one of the PhD student has worked in wall street for 30 years.. yeah, he's as old as my dad, which made me respect him even more), and I've been there for less than 3 months minus all the time I needed to get settled in and read more basic stuff.
It's also amazing to see how they can sit through a talk (which can be so boring and easy to not understand anything) yet can still ask questions about the talk as if they had been dealing with the topic for a long time. It shows just how much knowledge and experience they had over the years...
But you know what, even though it was depressing, I get more excited and eager to do this PhD thing. The thought that I will become as knowledgeable as that becomes a motivation to me. I want to learn more..

Call me a nerd or whatever. I don't care.

À bientôt. ;)

~Another day at the lab~

2010-04-12T21:05:00.000+01:00

Pagi ini motivasiku menjunam.

Aku terasa begitu hopeless dan clueless kerana merasakan tidak jelas apa yang perlu dibuat hari ini, hatta untuk seluruh minggu. Kebingungan melandaku sepanjang pagi.. Badan terasa lemah, otak terasa kosong, dan hati resah dan gelisah. Ya Allah mengapa diriku menjadi sedemikian rupa? Mungkin aku tahu apa sebabnya, tetapi itu tidak patut dijadikan alasan.

Setibanya di lab aku masih tertanya-tanya dan memikirkan tentang kerja... menunggu ilham yang tidak kunjung tiba...

That was what I felt the entire morning (which frequently happens every Monday). It's really irritating having a very fluctuating motivation level. But the thing is motivation will not come down suddenly to you from high up above. Self-motivation comes from your own self, no other people can motivate you unless you yourself want to. It's merely the difference between going with the wind and fly where it is directing at, or harnessing the wind to direct oneself to where he/she wants to go.

Anyways, after a while someone brighten up my morning (as usual) and pushed me to start doing work. But even so I was still in a blur of what to do...

The solution? Just start/continue whatever you have left behind [yeah. obvious really.]. So i started opening my lab book and open a few files, read a bit, baca balik To_Be_Done.txt kat desktop tuh.. then realised I have to send my predecessor an email to clarify something, meet a groupmember, plot graphs and everything just flowed from there.

What had I learnt? [well more like forgotten and got self-reminded]..

When you have no clue what to do with your work, just start doing something with it, anything. Reading something about it, fiddling with whatever parts of it you can get a hold on.

Bila dah start, gelisah again. Rasa tak senang duduk lak. Oh well since dah elok pukul 10:45 naik la atas amek free tea kat atas and bawak balik.

Tapi still gelisah. Senyap sangat pulak... switch on some music? nah.. the tune will only make me lose focus and limit my thinking, lagi resah ada lah. So i switched on my Qur'an playlist, baru la rasa lega. I can't do work sangat while listening to a song, but I can while listening to the Qur'an. It calms me down and causes my heart to settle down in peace. While doing that I can also revise what I've previously memorised. Call it 'three birds with one stone'.

Then I had to attend a two-hour talk by a visitor student from Queen Mary. Adoi. Dua jam tak paham mende pon >< Sakit kepala cuba paham menatang Optimisation problem dia tuh.. Yang peliknye orang lain boleh lak tanya soklan lagi pasal benda tuh.. supervisor lagi ah he was soo into it. Seb baik dio tak suruh den toghangkan.. Mampuih kalo tak.. Pukul 5 habis, and I went solat at 5:15. Planned to go with Tee to watch 'How to train a Dragon 3D' at 6:05pm, and he wanted to meet at 5:45. Pas solat masuk lab jer pkl 5:25, aiseh MK kat situ lak.. [kalo saper2 dah lupa, dia adalah my supervisor]. Nak keluar waktu tuh memang cari nahas la.. Then he went to my table and asked about what I'm doing. So I tunjuk ah a few very much acceptable graphs and explained to him something about what I have to do. Then he asked (ordered) me to have a meeting with a few groupmates, RS, MS, TST and SS. Oh well, I MSN-ed RS schedule meeting esok, and 5:46pm chao.

Woot I liked the movie =D I saw the trailer quite some time ago, and the whole movie was up to my expectations. Fun and funny. Keluar cinema pkl 8pm and it was still bright outside.. Oh well dah maghrib ah but still... cerah.

...and now I'm back. Luckily I cooked two pieces of salmon yesterday so I don't need to do any cooking.. Masak nasik and pusing2 microwave oven knob. Then I need to do some reading.. well.. A LOT of readings. I hate not knowing stuff and feel really clueless.. But reading at home just won't work I dunno why.... Ergh.

Oh well, I have to paksa myself..

~Weekend~

2010-04-11T19:20:00.002+01:00

A few days ago I read in the Yahoo! UK news that the UK is expected to face the highest temperature of the year this weekend (i.e. yesterday and today), rising up to 18-19 C. My first thought was....... 19? Tak heran kot, Malaysia's is double that, consistently. And memang pon tadi bila kluar takder ah rasa panas sangat pon, boleh tahan ah.. normal spring temperature. According to Windows weather gadget Cambridge is 12 C now, but my thermometer is indicating a temperature of 26 C. Biar betul.. I think it's because I opened the window and since the thermometer is right at the other side of my window my room temperature affected it. Seriously it's quite impossible to be 26 even though the sun is shining ever so brilliantly.. The winds from outside felt colder than that.

*kejap.. cerah sangat lak matahari nih.. my room's facing the setting sun... kena tutup langsir*

Yesterday a friend here organised a majlis do'a selamat for his first newborn son. Most of us went including me. The event also coincides with the 35th anniversary of his parents-in-law (whom were there too in Cambridge, looking after their first newborn grandchild). They were so funny and sweet x). I so want to be like them in the future inshaAllah..

Haji Zainal (the father-in-law) officiated the ceremony with a do'a before we started eating (the already prepared) lunch. Rendang ayam and bihun, hoho quite a while since I last saw them =P.

That's the baby we're celebrating at the right, Zarief Aydean, on his proud father's lap. Omg he. is. too. cute. Comel gilerrr!! Rambut bukan main lebat daripada waktu lahir.. Congratz Hakimi for such an adorable and healthy son!! I have to say I envy you =T

It's gonna be quite a long time before I'll get married.. let alone becoming a father.. InshaAllah if I have the rezeki nanti..

We also planned for bowling the next day (i.e. today), and quite a lot of us dah semangat nak main. Tup2 tadi only 4 people came (well, 5. Tapi Zetty tak main, sakit belakang [?] katanya). So in the end only Hefni, Fendi, Tee and me played three games each. Adoi teruk ah performance.. Sungguh tidak konsisten. Tee and me decided nak pegi tengok movie How to Train a Dragon 3D tadi (the cinema is at the same building as the bowling place), but only waktu nak beli tiket we realised the 4:30pm show is for 2D, 3D's over for the day.. We postponed our movie watching to tomorrow, ada pkl 3:40pm or 6:05pm. Most probably I'll have to opt for the 6:05pm, unless I can get away somehow at 3:15pm.. The thing is my supervisor wants us, his grad students (particularly me since I'm quite the new guy) to do 8 working hours at the lab, excluding breaks. So that means it should be coming in at 9am and going back after 9 hours (1 hour allocated for breaks), at 6pm. Oh well, I'll try being early tomorrow.

..now that reminded me. My sister is gonna have her C-section on the 19th.. =S Huaaa my first nephew is gonna be born and I'm here thousands of miles awayyyy =[

She's already been warded there for quite some time, and it seems that my former classmate Nihlah pon is at the same hospital, waiting for her C-section gak on the 12th. Dua anak sedara with a week gap ><..

and I'm here thousands of miles away..

I considered going back at May, just to see my nephew =/

I could also see Nihlah's baby...

..and I can even surprise my former uni classmate and one of my besties apiz and attend his wedding on the 22nd of that month..

..but I've just got here.. just started doing work.. takkan nak balik dah.. If I go back home it won't be just for a few days, of course I want to be there for 2 weeks or more.. that could really set back on my work here. PhD is nothing like undergraduate. Of course you have a bit more freedom but if I loosen up now I have a feeling I won't be able to make it. I have a first-year dissertation (CPGS) to be submitted on early December and 4 journal papers on two different fields to be written in the whole course of my PhD, and aiming to finish it in 3 years will require lotsa work.. like LOTS. I want to at least produce something by June so more than a week break is really not allowable for me.. and return tickets are more than £500. I still have funds but it will be a few more months before I'll get a consistent monthly income from Mara so I don't really want to exhaust it too quickly.

..but that can't prevent me from going for a break right? =P

I'm going to Paris on the 19th for a few days. 8D

[Yeah, only for a few days, mmg tak cukup but takper ah, first trip to Europe (selain UK)].

Informed my supervisor about me not being here for a whole week, and he seems fine about it (MK: "Oh well I won't be here that week so it should be ok"... kalo tak dia bising kot). I need some pointers on French from a friend of mine. (If you're reading this tell me bile nak buat kelas ek =P. kalo tak baca pon don't worry I'll look for you xD..)

So, kata penutup: Semoga kaklang dan Nihlah berjaya melahirkan cahaya mata masing2 dengan selamat InshaAllah. Ku di perantauan ini akan mendo'akan kesejahteraan kamu berdua...

~Permanent head Damage~

2010-04-10T22:00:00.001+01:00

So what have I been up to till now?

Derh.. research of course. Nama pon PhD ye tak?

I'll explain what kinda research I'm doing, and I'll try not to make it sound too technical. You have all the freedom to skip this entire part.

Research

I'm in the computational modelling group, and my project is to study on the formation of soot during a combustion process. Soot particles were proven to be formed by polycyclic aromatic hydrocarbons (PAH), and my main focus will be on modelling the formation of these PAHs. So wth is a PAH you might ask? We'll break the name into parts and we'll find the meaning from there. Hydrocarbons are just molecules with hydrogen and carbon. Poly- means multiples of something; more than one. Cyclic means that it forms a ring; the structure cycles back to the starting point, and aromatic means that it contains double-bonds as well as single-bonds in the molecular structure.
Graphics are always a good way to explain this kind of thing. Examples are shown below:

At the top is a cyclic hydrocarbon, cyclohexane, and at the bottom is the simplest aromatic hydrocarbon, benzene. A PAH is basically many of benzene-like-structures attach together to form a huge molecule, as can be seen below:

So what I need to do is to make (more like improvising) a model for the reactions leading towards formation of PAH molecules such as the one above that can predict the outcome of the reactions and the resulting PAH and program it in a computer and run simulations to get the results, and it has to be as accurate as possible.

In order to do this I need to learn and apply Quantum Chemistry, Stochastic Models, Matlab, C++ and a lot more. Oh and the quantum chemistry software is run in a Linux environment, so I had to learn how to use it.. kinda like MS-DOS.. type out commands like
"$ cd Y:/workfiles" ..

@_@

and that's the basics of what I'm doing now.

To the readers skipping the part above can continue reading at this point.

It had been fun being here from the first time I arrived. Although it's starting to get boring as I ran out of things to do. I am thankful I can still play bowling here though, something I thought I no longer will be able to here..
My daily routine is waking up for subuh and then start cooking for that day's lunch and prepare breakfast. Then do some morning stretches and exercises before breakfast and showered right after. Pastu pack up and go straight to the lab. My lab is basically an office where I sit 8 hours a day in front of a computer reading journals, running calculations and simulations and figuring something out.

~A picture of my lab~

Sometimes we have meetings with other groupmembers to discuss our work and its progress, or report to the supervisor (we'll call him MK), even when he frequently drop by our lab to check on us (at least once to twice a week if he's in the uni. He's a nice man, but he will shout at us if something is not up to his expectations.

One thing I like about being here is they serve free tea everyday at 10:30 and 4:00, just naik atas to the tea room and bring your mug or take away in a paper cup and bawak turun pegi workspace. x)
Free English tea man. Just how good can it get?

Cambridge

One main concern in a muslim-minority place is always the food, but Halal food is not really much of an issue here (though agak susah nak carik). Along Mill Road to the east, you can see halal restaurants and shops here and there, though you still might want to check the menus. One I saw has a halal sign (and it's a kebab restaurant), but inside they serve bacon as well. Hmm.. tempting no? Although we can't be too picky since it is not easy to get totally uncontaminated zabiha food and can make some kelonggaran, the thing is when there are other alternatives a walk away which you can trust more, you should opt for the latter. Effort for the sake of Allah, isn't it better?
I also realise I eat quite a lot here, ...well more like the same amount as back at home. That amount is not really needed in this climate, in fact I've gained weight =3

I got my weight (back) to 53.1 kg, my weight before bulan puasa TAHUN LEPAS (sejak bulan tuh memang tak naik2 dah... stayed at 51.7 - 52++ kg). But I DO exercise here (the routine morning exercise I mentioned above), we frequently organise badminton weekends, and I cycle everywhere in Cambridge. It's good that everything is accessible by bike, and cycling here is so much different than in Malaysia. Where in Malaysia can you find bicycle lanes on the roads? Where in Malaysia can you find bicycle parking spaces?

Have I mentioned it's spring at the moment? Up to now I've seen two seasons already, winter when I got here and now it's spring. Both have their own attractions, you can see them in the pictures below (though some were taken from my Facebook photos. Oh well this is for the sake of some people who don't have Facebook accounts):

Winter:

~Winter as can be seen outside my window~

Spring:

~Sakura =D~

~More cherry blossoms, close-up view~

~The Lee Library~

~Tulips~

So far the experience had been amazing. I have to be very thankful for being here and having the opportunity given by Allah to live in a totally different environment. It is so much different and I need to make use of all the time I have here. Alhamdulillah.. I hope my semangat here will everlast.. InshaAllah.

~A Fresh Start~

2010-04-10T12:59:00.002+01:00

The unbelievable just happened.

But it's real alright..

I made my own blog at long last. Something that I've been opposed to for a long time even after much persuasion. I have my reasons why I didn't want to.. but now reasons to make a blog are starting to surface. Tak pernah nak paham dulu.. only after I'm here thousands of miles from home I start seeing it..

Reasons not to:

-I was not the type to express myself in writing. Leceh ah.. Nak tulis about everyday life and all the nitty gritty stuff going on.. <_<

-I am a (very) lazy person in nature. I know my blog will have a high probability of getting abandoned after some time (which I have seen happening with a lot of others) so better not bother to start one right?

-Believe it or not I'm kinda uneasy with other people stalking me. I'm the stalker not the stalkee =S Rasa cam ramai jer yg dok menunggu nak perlakukan sesuatu if I were to start a blog. (well tah2 perasan sendiri jer, org lain tak kesah kot)

And someone even vowed to harass me on my blog when he/she finds out about it. Yeah, you know who you are. ;P I'm copying your style here just to clear up any doubt in your mind who I'm referring to....oh. Sorry was it supposed to be a secret? Maaflah your best friend and I tak simpan apape rahsia antara kami ;)

Reasons to:

-I got to know a certain someone a few years ago and it changed me. Since then, I've opened up and am more able to articulate my mind into writing, even writing daily stuff (although it's more like I am conditioned to). It's a progress I believe. It's easier for me to write papers or essays now. But it also makes pouring my mind out to someone (kinda) a necessity now..to someone who cares about it.

-Laziness can never overcome boredom. Since I came to the UK there's not much stuff to do. I can't be working all the time right? I need some time off somewhere and lots of my time is spent here depan laptop. Rather than doing nothing, refreshing Facebook homepage and stalking others baik aku buat benda berfaedah sket ye tak? (berfaedah ek? xP)

-I'm thousands of miles now from home, away from my family, my friends and people whom I care and (may) care about me too. I figured I can't just go away and lost contact (other than the occasional chats/FB/calls/vidcalls). It's better if I keep them updated on what I'm up to.

So, tamat sudah mukadimah yg panjang di atas. It's best to start with a short introduction of Yours Truly. My name is Zakwan Zainuddin, a Malaysian born in 3rd of July 1989 in a family with 6 other siblings (and two in-laws). I am now a first year graduate student in the Computational Modelling (CoMo) research group in the University of Cambridge pursuing PhD in Chemical Engineering. You can find me in the Cambridge official page or search for my name in the CoMo group website.

..and that's it for the (very) short introduction ;)

The next post would be more about what I'm doing here currently.

And with this, my blog is officially launched, and I'll try my best to keep it updated frequently ^_^